The Fat Trap

I finally had a chance to read this article in the New York Times, and I worry that I shouldn’t have: The Fat Trap

It basically talks about how, once a person’s body is used to being at a certain weight, it sabotages itself to return to that original weight after weight loss. Hormones (like leptin and ghrelin) get out of whack, and muscles fundamentally change so that they use fewer calories.

At first I dismissed a lot of what they were talking about because people in their studies were losing weight really quickly (on 800 cal/day diets and such) but they said they expect that it’s the same situation if people lose weight slowly too.

The author says she’s glad to know what she has in store for her when she loses weight, but it’s hard not to be depressed about this. Can I really exercise every day for the rest of my life to keep the weight off once I’ve lost it?

I know that PN bans “worry” questions and you’re supposed to take each day at a time, but I’m really struggling with this. On one hand, it’s nice to know that regaining weight isn’t as much of a personal failing as society seems to think it is. But on the other hand, it seems hopeless unless one has nothing to do all day except worry about food and exercise. I’ve been down that path before and it’s not healthy.

Who Am I?

I am a girl who...

• Keeps blogging at work in hopes that after she gets these heavy thoughts off her mind, she will actually be able to get some work done.
• Has lost 50 pounds since October, 2006. I have been in and around my goal weight of 155 pounds for 8 months. This puts me squarely in the healthy BMI zone for my height of 5'9" (the zone is 139 to 169 lbs depending on your build).
• Thinks she might be struggling with binge eating disorder. I periodically I eat large quantities of extremely yummy foods that my body doesn't really need. I know what foods are healthy to eat, I know what reasonable portions are, but I still can't nail this problem, and I am currently seeking some sort of psychotherapeutic treatment. I am hoping I can find something that is covered by OHIP (the Ontario health plan) because ack, I've discovered therapy is expensive.
• Is gradually getting into strength training. I didn't realize quite how important it was while I was losing my weight (how could I not have realized this?) and now I'm trying to undo any damage I did to myself.
• Is fairly at home in her new skin. This body size feels normal now. As a result, I am also petrified of gaining weight and no longer fitting into these cute new clothes. I am afraid of failing, because I've never really failed at anything in my life. Gaining weight back would be one of the most public failures imaginable, and is therefore that much more terrifying to me. If I have to buy anything a size bigger than I'm currently wearing, I think I might crawl into a cupboard and weep.
• Is worried that her newfound focus on food is unhealthy. I recognize that I have to balance the calories I take in with those I expend through daily activities and exercise, but having to constantly be vigilant is extremely difficult. Thinking about minutiae is, frankly, exhausting. When I stop counting WW points for a day or two, a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders. (Yeah, talk about ironic – metaphorical weight being lifted off, as I pack on the pounds.)
• Doesn't yet trust herself to eat without some form of counting, but who desperately hopes this is achievable so she can at some point have a healthier relationship with food.

Wow, I Remember This

It's funny, after you've been away a while you forget what it's like. Now I remember. Write a post, pour your heart into it, publish it... then boom, the comments and support start flowing in. I love you girls so much!

Day 1 of GMBOT (Get Meredith Back On Track) is going well so far. I am thinking of starting to make a list of things that I can eat now that I don't have to watch myself quite so carefully.

For starters:

• Bananas:
   
  Sad but true, I cut out bananas for a long time, because why waste 1.5 to 2 points on fruit when I could have berries for almost free, or grapes/an apple/10 lychees/a pear/3 clementines/etc. for 1 point? The answer to "why?" is because they are yummy, a good source of vitamin B6, potassium, fiber and more. Other reasons include the fact that they are a great base for smoothies, and heck, because variety is the spice of life!
   
  
• Real Bread:
   
  Bread is not evil. I do not have to limit myself to expensive WW bread and WW wraps, or high fibre pitas. I can buy real bread (real bakery bread!), as long as it's high fiber and keeps me full.

Hrm, I think these lists will serve as good reminders to me. I'll work on contributing to them as I think of other items I've been avoiding.

Does anyone else have healthy foods that they've been avoiding in a desperate attempt to keep points down? I hope I'm not the only one.